My Testimony

I am a science student because I love figuring things out. I love having the solid facts, the evidence. I love finding the values I need, plugging them into the right equation and coming out with an answer. For this reason, I think that explaining my testimony in terms of a mathematical function makes sense. So let’s start with a variable, something that changes depending on its position on the x-axis, on the y-axis, on the z-axis, and if you get really advanced, in time. That variable is me: Angela. Now what good is a variable if there is no function? If I were a variable, I think my function would be a sine function. So now we have sin(Angela). For those of you who for whom trigonometry is very far back, a sine function looks like a wave. This, I have found, is a pretty accurate description of my walk with God. Too many times in the past, I have come to a point in my life where I was way down (at y=-1 on the sine function) and have turned back to God, realizing that I couldn’t do anything on my own, and have given my life back to the Giver of Life (I would now be at y=1 on the sine function). And too many times, once the difficult time was over, I would take back control of my life, letting God take back the roll of co-pilot. With that said, here is my story.


When I was six years old, I remember sitting on the couch in my living room, following my mom in a prayer of salvation. After growing up in a Christian home and attending church and Sunday school regularly, I had decided that I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart.
Thirteen years have passed since that day. Never once have I doubted that I had a saviour in Jesus Christ, or that the Creator of the universe had a plan for my life, but my faith slowly became stale.

I spent the first 12 years of my life in Montreal, attending church regularly with my family. In fifth grade, my Sunday school teacher taught about Noah’s ark. I was introduced to creation science and this strengthened my faith. I became convinced that the first chapters of Genesis should be interpreted literarily.

Since then, God has taught me so much about Himself through my study of creation. I never wanted a blind faith, simply believing because my parents had told me to, so studying creation has strengthened my faith because I can see that the truths of the Bible are, in fact, supported by scientific evidence. In many of the times when I have felt most distanced from God, a reason has come up for me to study creation and once again, I have become excited about what God has done and is doing.

When I was twelve, my family moved to Sherbrooke. I started high school and I entered into what I now see as a darker part of my life. I felt lost, lonely and confused. Having left all my childhood friends back in Montreal, I craved true friendship, which I wasn’t finding in my friends at school. And so I began looking for friendship. I joined my church youth group, but felt that I had only found superficial friendships with people much younger than myself. I began attending women’s lunches and outings with my mom, but found I couldn’t associate with these women in the way I needed. I developed huge crushes on guys. None of these satisfied me. I pleaded with God to give me one good friend. Looking back, I think I spent too much time pleading with God to give me one true human friend and not enough time strengthening my relationship with him. I felt distanced from God, but I still believed in Him and believed that He had a plan and a purpose for my life. As a pubic declaration of this faith I was baptised in 2007.

Two years ago, I started cegep. The significantly increased workload caused me to come out of the ‘lower point’ I had been in for most of my high school years. I once again became fascinated with creation science and studied it at every possible opportunity. I have had some wonderful debates with both my peers and my teachers on this subject. This was great for my faith in God but my relationship with my creator was still lacking. I read my Bible and my motto was “pray without ceasing” but it was more religious than anything else. I desperately wanted to be close to my creator but nothing I did seemed to make any difference. And so, throughout this time, I would give my life back to God. I would get so down that the only way I could turn was to Him. But after turning back to Him during the low points, I would keep falling back into life without the satisfaction I craved because I kept taking my life back.

And so, in March of last year, I decided to apply to Bible College, hoping to find there whatever it was that I craved. And now, as I sit here, two days into classes, I have no idea what to write. I think I should start by saying that I have now realised that I have been getting it wrong this whole time. It has always been about me: “What can God do for me?” “God, please get me out of this tough situation” “God, please give me just one good friend” “God, please, please, please... Do this for me.” But I get it now! It’s not about me! It’s about God and His glory. I think the verse that really spoke to me this week was “seek first,” or ONLY, “the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you.” So this time, I didn’t give my life back to God, because I could just keep doing that and it would get me nowhere. Instead, I decided to seek ONLY God.
I have really seen God working in my life over the past nineteen years simply by my own failure to realise the point of my existence. More recently, I have realised that, by my attempts to follow all the rules in order to (subconsciously) earn my way to heaven, I have come to a point where I now understand that it is utterly impossible for my to live up to the standards that God has set for me.

A verse that has really stood out for me in the past is in Isaiah 40 which really talks about God’s supreme glory. In verses 25 and 26, we read “(25)’To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?’ says the Holy One. (26)‘Lift your eyes and look to the Heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry hosts one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.’” I used to read this verse with the emphasis on verse 26, marvelling at God’s awesome creation, but now I see that it is not so much about what He has created for me, but what He did and how He deserves all the glory.


So, as you can see, God has slowly been taking my sin(Angela) function and is moulding it into His function, maybe even an exponential function (Say x7) where I can continuously grow in Him, depend solely on Him, and value Him above all else. I don’t quite get the whole ‘God is all about Himself’ concept yet; I am still trying to wrap my head around it. In fact, I doubt I will ever fully grasp it, but at least now, my spiritual asymptote has been moved closer to infinity –or eternity.