I distinctly remember my first day at the Crossing. I was incredibly nervous. I picked out my best clothes, tried to look as good as possible, be as nice as possible, basically, I wanted to give a really good first impression. And then I lived with these people for nine months so now they know all my quirks. They’ve seen me on my good days and on my bad days. They’ve seen me living in the spirit and living utterly in the flesh. It would be impossible to even begin to capture all the memories, the laughs, and the learning into ten minutes. So instead, I’ll share with you a bit of my testimony: why I went to the Crossing, what God has been doing in my life over the past year, and what God has been teaching me since I’ve been home.
I could possibly say that I decided to go to Bible College for many of the wrong reasons, but I believe God will use anything to bring us closer to Himself. I think my main reason for going to Bible College was because I was thirsty. I knew I needed a deeper relationship with Jesus, but it just wasn’t working for me. I had always seen myself as a ‘good little Christian girl.’ I’m slightly obsessive about following rules. I’ve never really been ashamed of telling people I’m a Christian. I’ve never been one to take part in wild parties or any of the other extremes. So I was thinking to myself: “If I’m so good, why do I feel so bad? I have an amazing family, I have awesome friends, I live in a town that has three Tim Horton’s within walking distance of each other, so why are there days when I still ache inside?” There is no one reason why I chose New Zealand (although the fact that they made Narnia there was sweet as!) but one of those reasons was that I wanted to get away. And I wanted to find out why my relationship with Jesus had gone stale.
It’s a Heart Thing
The first week just about blew my mind! It’s kind of ironic to think though that everything I heard in that week was all stuff my parents, Sunday school teachers, pastors, and youth leaders had endeavoured to teach me time and time again and yet I had to travel half way across the world before I got it! But I have learned that God reveals His truth in His perfect timing. We learned about the Sermon on the Mount that week and I think it could be summed up as “It’s a heart thing.” I learned that law can only make me aware of how sinful I really am. And I learned that all my actions, whether I’m acting out in anger in response to someone else, worrying, holding a grudge, or being impatient, are not so much reactions as they are a revelation of what is in my heart. And it is only the saving life of Jesus Christ in me that can change my heart. But as a Christian, I also learned that I have a choice. I can either live for myself, fulfilling the desires of my flesh, or I can love for God, allowing Him to get the glory
God Demands all the Glory
And that leads me to my second point: God deserves all the glory, point final. I’d like to share a poem with you that I wrote after my first week at The Crossing:
Lost For Words
I am spectacularly, wonderfully
Lost for words
You amaze me, astound me
Take my breath away
I am lost in Your presence
And now I understand
My life is nothing more than Your story
I live for nothing less than Your glory
I am lost to myself
You indwell me, live through me
You do all things for Your glory alone
I have died to myself
So that You can live through me
It’s not about me
It’s for You
For Your glory!
Seeing God as He is
One of the most important things I learned at the Crossing was about who God is. I tend to see God first and foremost as a God of perfect live – which He is – while forgetting that He is also a God of perfect wrath. No one in the Bible hugs God on their first encounter. Upon further investigation, we found that everyone falls to their face, fears for their life, or is rendered speechless. I never realized that God is more like a lion than a lamb: able to tear me to pieces. But I know that, because of the righteousness of Christ that clothes me, I can approach the throne of God with both dignity, but also complete humility. “The dignity comes from the fact that I’m now worthy to come at all times; the humility comes from the fact that I had absolutely nothing to do with this worthiness.” I realized that I have been worshiping a god that I have made small and nice and gentle. But now I realize that I want to know God for who He is, not as I would prefer Him to be.
Catching my own fish
I realized very early on that the reason I was so hungry was because I wasn’t eating! Don’t you hate those mornings when you sleep through your alarm? You spend the next 20 minutes dashing madly around the house, throwing your books into your bag, splashing some water on your face, picking out something half decent to wear (that’s right, you forgot to put the clothes in the dryer last night!). Finally, you’re ready to go and in your eagerness to leave the house, you almost lock your keys inside. And it’s not until half way through your first class or your important meeting that your stomach begins to growl. “Hmmm,” you think to yourself, “maybe I put on the wrong shirt this morning. That must be why my stomach is growling.” So, during the next break, you head discretely to the bathroom to change (lucky you threw that extra shirt in your bag this morning!). When that doesn’t work, you decide to try giving your hair a good comb. But your stomach is still growling, so you attempt to make friends with the class mate at the desk next to you or the co-worker in the cubicle across the aisle. Ok, so this story is a little dumb, but, unfortunately, it’s true! Yep, that’s me! For way too long, my spiritual stomach was growling and I tried everything other than spiritual food!
God taught me that He doesn’t want me to simply identify with Him, He wants me to Assimilate Him. When Jesus shared the Passover meal with His disciples, He told them to eat Him and drink Him. In the same way, as I eat my bowl of cheerio’s and drink my OJ for the nourishment of my body, ‘eating and drinking Jesus’ needs to be of utmost importance to me since it is my spiritual nourishment.
I heard about a guy who, for a scientific experiment, ingested a small amount of radioactive substance. Using some high tech scientific gizmo placed by the guy’s toes, they were able to determine that it took 6 seconds for the radioactive stuff to enter his blood stream and make its way all the way to his toes. Thus proving that you really are what you eat! Jesus calls us to “be perfect, therefore, as you heavenly father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). I can’t do that, but God can. And so, it is by getting to know Him intimately – by spending time daily in His word and in prayer – that He can begin to transform me.
My daily quiet time has become very valuable to me and God is faithful and keeps revealing nuggets of gold buried in His word.
The End of Myself
I think that the hardest lesson for me (and the one that I am still learning, will it ever cease?) is that I need to come to the end of myself before God can truly work through me. Because I love illustrations, I’d like to share one with you that really helped me to understand just how much I need to rely on God.
Imagine a glove on a table. Now imagine asking the glove to pick up a book. No matter how many times you ask or whether you say please, the glove can’t do anything on its own. It’s only once you put your hand in the glove that it is capable of anything. In the same way, I can do nothing without God. This has been a difficult lesson for me because I can do stuff! I can tie my shoes and count by twos, but it is only when I allow Christ to work through me that anything of eternal value can be accomplished.
Coming Home
I’ve barely begun to skim everything that God has taught me over the past year. And He has been incredibly faithful to continue to teach me and to show me that He is in control. On my way home, I was meant to fly from Christchurch to Sydney then from Sydney to Vancouver and then on to Montreal. Unfortunately, the plane was two hours late leaving Christchurch because they had shipped a defective part to the wrong airport and so had not finished fixing the plane. This meant that I was two hours late arriving in Sydney and had arrived exactly 15 minutes after the only flight to Vancouver had taken off. So I booked a ticket out for the following day, found a hotel, and spent the night in Sydney. The neat thing was that I could have been nervous, I could have freaked out, but I had a sense of peace the whole time because I knew that God was in control and that He was working all things out for His glory. I had no idea why I had to spend the night in Sydney, but I also knew that I didn’t’ need to know, just so long as God got the glory. It was only two hours into the 15 hour flight to Vancouver that I found out. I got to talking to the guys next to me and eventually He asked what it meant to be a Christian. I then spent the next five hours explaining the entire progress of redemption to Him! All the way from Creation, the fall, Abraham, and the sojourn in Egypt to Jesus’ death and resurrection! God is faithful and God is in control!!!!!!!!!
Fond Memories
I have heaps of fond memories of The Crossing. Like having porridge with peanut butter every morning. Or walking into town along the river bed. It should have taken us about 40 minutes and, according to the director, the river was low enough that we could walk the whole way without getting wet, but it ended up taking almost two hours and we all waded through knee deep, freezing cold water. Then there was the time where I ate a live fish... Or receiving mail! Whenever anyone got a package, we would all gather around as the goodies were unpacked. My Mum sent me a package that included a shirt and some backed goods, but the shirt smelled like cinnamon cookies for a week! I’ll miss staying up late, sitting by the open fire and talking about anything and everything with the fifteen students I grew to know and love. I’ll miss the people, I’ll miss the places, but it’s so good to be home, and God has been incredibly faithful to continue to teach me and guide me.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Travelling Adventures
Day 1
So, it would seem that traveling is always an adventure and it’s always the things you least expect that seem to go wrong. I seem to remember that on my way here, the only part of my trip that fell through was the only confirmed part. Ironically, that seem to be what has happened again this time! I was excited to find out that I had a confirmed seat number on the flight from Christchurch to Sydney two hours before the plane took off. Unfortunately, due to engine problems, the plane took off two hours later than planned, meaning that I completely missed my transfer out of Sydney (the only flight that day).
On the bright side, I did get to see two beautiful postcards from God. Since we left later in the morning, the sun had already risen and was beautifully illuminating the snow covered mountains that draped themselves across the island. The clouds spilled over the mountains into the valleys in small cascades. And from my vantage point, I could see right across New Zealand, from the west coast right to the east coast! The second postcard was delivered as we descended towards Sydney. As we came through the clouds, we discovered the brightest rainbow I have ever seen, right before our eyes!
Once in Sydney, I found a reasonably priced hotel, bought some tea (supper that is), toured around the area on foot for a while, then settled into my hotel room for the night. We will see what adventures tomorrow brings! I have found much comfort today in Psalm 127:1-2 and, as we were taking off from Christchurch, I paraphrased it to suit the circumstances: “Unless the Lord holds the plain, the pilot flies in vain.” It’s so awesome to know that God is in control. I don’t know why He had me stay the night in Sydney, but I don’t need to know just so long as He gets the glory!
Day 2
I know why God had me stay the night in Sydney! I got to spend somewhere between 5 and 7 of the fifteen hours in the air explaining the entire progress of redemption to the guy sitting next to me! He was asking tons of questions and was really interested. WAY COOL!!!! I didn’t get to witness a miraculous conversion, but obviously, God wanted me on that plane, so we will see what He does. Who knows, maybe, hopefully, I’ll meet this guy in heaven some day!
Because of this really long conversation, I didn’t get any sleep on my fifteen hour flight and only slept fitfully on the short flight from Vancouver to Montreal. Needless to say, I am slightly tired at the moment. But oh well!! I’m uber excited that God allowed me to share His gospel!!!
Oh, and I’ll share two God-incidences with you: once I had rebooked my flight in Sydney, I sat down to figure out what I should do next. When I looked up, I was sitting right in front of the prayer room. And, before going to bed, I set the alarm and just put it on the only radio station that was playing music. It turns out it was a Christian radio station so I got to have my own mini worship service! I guess God was just showing me that He is in control of every circumstance and that none of what was happening was random circumstance.
Back home
Ok, so I’m really tired now! I couldn’t get to sleep last night so at 4am, I got up and made pancakes for everyone for breakfast
So, it would seem that traveling is always an adventure and it’s always the things you least expect that seem to go wrong. I seem to remember that on my way here, the only part of my trip that fell through was the only confirmed part. Ironically, that seem to be what has happened again this time! I was excited to find out that I had a confirmed seat number on the flight from Christchurch to Sydney two hours before the plane took off. Unfortunately, due to engine problems, the plane took off two hours later than planned, meaning that I completely missed my transfer out of Sydney (the only flight that day).
On the bright side, I did get to see two beautiful postcards from God. Since we left later in the morning, the sun had already risen and was beautifully illuminating the snow covered mountains that draped themselves across the island. The clouds spilled over the mountains into the valleys in small cascades. And from my vantage point, I could see right across New Zealand, from the west coast right to the east coast! The second postcard was delivered as we descended towards Sydney. As we came through the clouds, we discovered the brightest rainbow I have ever seen, right before our eyes!
Once in Sydney, I found a reasonably priced hotel, bought some tea (supper that is), toured around the area on foot for a while, then settled into my hotel room for the night. We will see what adventures tomorrow brings! I have found much comfort today in Psalm 127:1-2 and, as we were taking off from Christchurch, I paraphrased it to suit the circumstances: “Unless the Lord holds the plain, the pilot flies in vain.” It’s so awesome to know that God is in control. I don’t know why He had me stay the night in Sydney, but I don’t need to know just so long as He gets the glory!
Day 2
I know why God had me stay the night in Sydney! I got to spend somewhere between 5 and 7 of the fifteen hours in the air explaining the entire progress of redemption to the guy sitting next to me! He was asking tons of questions and was really interested. WAY COOL!!!! I didn’t get to witness a miraculous conversion, but obviously, God wanted me on that plane, so we will see what He does. Who knows, maybe, hopefully, I’ll meet this guy in heaven some day!
Because of this really long conversation, I didn’t get any sleep on my fifteen hour flight and only slept fitfully on the short flight from Vancouver to Montreal. Needless to say, I am slightly tired at the moment. But oh well!! I’m uber excited that God allowed me to share His gospel!!!
Oh, and I’ll share two God-incidences with you: once I had rebooked my flight in Sydney, I sat down to figure out what I should do next. When I looked up, I was sitting right in front of the prayer room. And, before going to bed, I set the alarm and just put it on the only radio station that was playing music. It turns out it was a Christian radio station so I got to have my own mini worship service! I guess God was just showing me that He is in control of every circumstance and that none of what was happening was random circumstance.
Back home
Ok, so I’m really tired now! I couldn’t get to sleep last night so at 4am, I got up and made pancakes for everyone for breakfast
JumpStart
As you may or may not know, I decided a while back to stay in New Zealand for an extra week at Dale’s request in order to help out at JumpStart, a camp for high school aged kids held at and run by the Crossing. All the kids were home schooled which meant that they were an incredibly easy group. In fact, just after everyone arrived, Amber, Kelsey, and Joseph were heading out so we left all the kids in the formal lounge to hang out on their own as we said our tearful goodbyes out side.
For the majority of the week, I got to work with Sheryl in the kitchen. I made cookies, chopped and fried way too many onions, washed dishes, cleaned, and generally had a blast. On Tuesday, I also got to share a devotion with the kids. I shared on Numbers 13, where the spies come back from the promised land and give a bad report, convincing the Israelites not to enter the land. God then tells them that all of them will die in the desert and that only their children will enter the land. At this, they decide to muster up their courage and enter the land, even though neither Moses nor the Ark went with them. Basically, the point was that God wants obedience, even when we don’t understand, not courage and self effort. It was really neat to have Dale and Kris (the two teachers for the week) tell me afterwards that what I shared nicely emphasized what Kris had just shared and led in to what Dale was about to share. Pretty cool how God works, eh?
I believe Jordan was in charge of most of the JumpStart activities (probably because he will be coming back to the Crossing as an intern next year). He got the kids playing some pretty awesome games like capture the flag and the plate game (a crazy game that involves tackling and getting pretty dirty).
On Thursday, Dale let me go to Bible in Schools one last time since a replacement for Jonas and my class had not yet been found. Thankfully, God provided a replacement just in time and she was able to come sit in on the class so that she will be able to take over right where we left off.
On Friday, I said a teary good bye to everyone who was left at The Crossing and headed into Christchurch with Sheryl’s family to begin my trek home.
For the majority of the week, I got to work with Sheryl in the kitchen. I made cookies, chopped and fried way too many onions, washed dishes, cleaned, and generally had a blast. On Tuesday, I also got to share a devotion with the kids. I shared on Numbers 13, where the spies come back from the promised land and give a bad report, convincing the Israelites not to enter the land. God then tells them that all of them will die in the desert and that only their children will enter the land. At this, they decide to muster up their courage and enter the land, even though neither Moses nor the Ark went with them. Basically, the point was that God wants obedience, even when we don’t understand, not courage and self effort. It was really neat to have Dale and Kris (the two teachers for the week) tell me afterwards that what I shared nicely emphasized what Kris had just shared and led in to what Dale was about to share. Pretty cool how God works, eh?
I believe Jordan was in charge of most of the JumpStart activities (probably because he will be coming back to the Crossing as an intern next year). He got the kids playing some pretty awesome games like capture the flag and the plate game (a crazy game that involves tackling and getting pretty dirty).
On Thursday, Dale let me go to Bible in Schools one last time since a replacement for Jonas and my class had not yet been found. Thankfully, God provided a replacement just in time and she was able to come sit in on the class so that she will be able to take over right where we left off.
On Friday, I said a teary good bye to everyone who was left at The Crossing and headed into Christchurch with Sheryl’s family to begin my trek home.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
As We Leave the Crossing...
Here's the poem I wrote for grad (called "As We Leave the Crossing...")
Maybe it’s time for a redefinition
Time for a difference, a change of position
We’ve been placed here, brought here, given a mission
For such a time as this
We’ve been taught, we’ve been trained, and now it’s time to go
I don’t want to leave but somehow I know
God has placed us here for just a short time
To tell us over and over “Beloved, you are mine.
“Don’t depend on the future; don’t dwell on the past,
I’ll be your strength to do whatever I ask
Be diligent today with what’s I’ve placed before you
Trust that I’m faithful to call and to do”
Facing the world now seems a daunting task
Dealing with old burdens, is it too much to ask?
But stand firm in His Word and in Him delight
Meditate on His precepts all day and all night.
Allow Him to reveal what’s in your heart of hearts
And trust that He’s good as He cleans your inner parts
Moment by moment, choose what He tells you is best
Give it all up to Him, He’ll take care of the rest!
Remember that God is unchanging, eternal
He loves us the same, He will always be faithful
He’s demands all the glory, He’s the lion and the lamb
He’s our ruler, our king, the perfect I AM
Maybe it’s time for a redefinition
Time for a difference, a change of position
God has placed us here, brought us here,
Now He sends us on a mission
For such a time as this
Time for a difference, a change of position
We’ve been placed here, brought here, given a mission
For such a time as this
We’ve been taught, we’ve been trained, and now it’s time to go
I don’t want to leave but somehow I know
God has placed us here for just a short time
To tell us over and over “Beloved, you are mine.
“Don’t depend on the future; don’t dwell on the past,
I’ll be your strength to do whatever I ask
Be diligent today with what’s I’ve placed before you
Trust that I’m faithful to call and to do”
Facing the world now seems a daunting task
Dealing with old burdens, is it too much to ask?
But stand firm in His Word and in Him delight
Meditate on His precepts all day and all night.
Allow Him to reveal what’s in your heart of hearts
And trust that He’s good as He cleans your inner parts
Moment by moment, choose what He tells you is best
Give it all up to Him, He’ll take care of the rest!
Remember that God is unchanging, eternal
He loves us the same, He will always be faithful
He’s demands all the glory, He’s the lion and the lamb
He’s our ruler, our king, the perfect I AM
Maybe it’s time for a redefinition
Time for a difference, a change of position
God has placed us here, brought us here,
Now He sends us on a mission
For such a time as this
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Happy Birthday to Me!
For my birthday on Wednesday, Sheryl made me apple pie! Not only that, but she saved a piece for me so that I could have a piece reheated for breakfast on Thursday. Joel and Michael did a rap for me for which the lyrics follow:
Angela Tracy
Quebec is where you’re from
4x-2bπr2/501πxz is the equation
Only you really know what it is
Science is the shiz nits
Door knobs are such a great invention
Angela, you’ll probably invent the toaster
The Bible is the Word
My jacket is blue with stripes
It’s been raining for three days
Because New Zealand doesn’t want you to go
Firewood is great for fire
Trees are great for growing
Just like how you are great for us
Don’t worry
Apples, rainbows, bananas
Some of those you eat
Like an alley cat
Angy-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Happy birthday!
Since it became known that, since I was really young, I wanted to get married when I was 20 years old, Gen tried to convince Joel (as a joke) to propose to me. They were bribing him with a chocolate covered coffee bean. I knew about the whole plan (Gen made sire I was ok with it :P), so don’t worry! Anyway, he didn’t end up doing it, but I thought it would be really funny! Other awesome things that happened on my birthday: my family called (thanks for calling even though I wasn’t there to answer!!!), people sang happy birthday to me in French, I got French birthday balloons, I had white bait for supper (the same kind I ate raw at the beginning of the year, only this time they were cooked), and we watched “how to find a spouse” by Charles Price (ironic? Lol!).
Angela Tracy
Quebec is where you’re from
4x-2bπr2/501πxz is the equation
Only you really know what it is
Science is the shiz nits
Door knobs are such a great invention
Angela, you’ll probably invent the toaster
The Bible is the Word
My jacket is blue with stripes
It’s been raining for three days
Because New Zealand doesn’t want you to go
Firewood is great for fire
Trees are great for growing
Just like how you are great for us
Don’t worry
Apples, rainbows, bananas
Some of those you eat
Like an alley cat
Angy-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Happy birthday!
Since it became known that, since I was really young, I wanted to get married when I was 20 years old, Gen tried to convince Joel (as a joke) to propose to me. They were bribing him with a chocolate covered coffee bean. I knew about the whole plan (Gen made sire I was ok with it :P), so don’t worry! Anyway, he didn’t end up doing it, but I thought it would be really funny! Other awesome things that happened on my birthday: my family called (thanks for calling even though I wasn’t there to answer!!!), people sang happy birthday to me in French, I got French birthday balloons, I had white bait for supper (the same kind I ate raw at the beginning of the year, only this time they were cooked), and we watched “how to find a spouse” by Charles Price (ironic? Lol!).
Monday, May 24, 2010
Week 29
This week, Lincoln Badger taught us on the book of acts and we had a DVD lecture on servant leadership by Satish John. It was an excellent way to finish off a year of classes. It has been tough over the past week realizing again and again how little time we have left.
On our last night at the Timaru youth group on Wednesday, the kids had a mini birthday party for Adam and I (Adam turned 20 on May 15th and I will turn 20 on the 26th). Bethany brought us sacks, fruit, and chocolate cheesecake.
On Friday night, Joseph got permission from Dale to show all three “Back From the Future” movies in a row. We started at 8:30pm (after Adam and Kelsey got back from Kids Alive) and finished the last one at 2am. They were super stressful but it was tons of fun! Needless to say, I was rather tired on Saturday. It didn’t help that I had to get up relatively early to clean up from breakfast.
On Sunday evening, we had our last Sunday night fellowship. All the Capers prepared and shared a testimony of what we have learned in class this year. After fellowship, we went to Patti’s for our Secret Sister revealing. We made sushi (under Gen’s instruction) then exchanged gifts.
On our last night at the Timaru youth group on Wednesday, the kids had a mini birthday party for Adam and I (Adam turned 20 on May 15th and I will turn 20 on the 26th). Bethany brought us sacks, fruit, and chocolate cheesecake.
On Friday night, Joseph got permission from Dale to show all three “Back From the Future” movies in a row. We started at 8:30pm (after Adam and Kelsey got back from Kids Alive) and finished the last one at 2am. They were super stressful but it was tons of fun! Needless to say, I was rather tired on Saturday. It didn’t help that I had to get up relatively early to clean up from breakfast.
On Sunday evening, we had our last Sunday night fellowship. All the Capers prepared and shared a testimony of what we have learned in class this year. After fellowship, we went to Patti’s for our Secret Sister revealing. We made sushi (under Gen’s instruction) then exchanged gifts.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Journal Week 29
- I need to let God be God in my life, then He can begin to transform me into someone useful for people and for God. I will be ineffective if I choose my own plans, my own missions, and what I am comfortable with.
- As a servant leader, I need to walk in fear of God and always have the Word of God on my lips. To serve God, I am to worship Him in every aspect of my life, to study His word, lay it on my heart, and meditate on it, and to be a witness to others of the hope that is within me.
- Saying “I have no time” is basically saying that I am still in control of my time, not God. It is saying that I am not available to God.
- One person on their knees is more powerful than a thousand pastors who don’t pray!
- Our goal shouldn’t be to bring the best men and women into the church to build the ministry, but to equip the best men and women to send them out into the world.
- Prayer should be my priority!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
